Last day of March......

Today's run:
40 minutes, 7.3mph-8.0mph=5.13 miles
30 minues, 4.0mph-5.0mph, inclines ranging from 6-12=2.4 miles

TGIF! Yea! Now on to bigger and better things. I'm feeling so good for the moment. Maybe it's the leftover adrenaline rush, caffeine high, it's Friday, pizza night.....or a combination of all those things. It's just a good day. The birds are singing (literally), a nice breeze coming through the windows, a happy, squealy baby, and I predict a sunshiny day. NICE!

What is my agenda today? I have no clue. Not one. I wish it was warm enough to go lay out. I'm so ready for a "natural" tan. LOL! THAT...would be a perfect day!

Friends in different places....

I'm thankful for my friends. So many that I have acquired in the past 15 years...but there are a few I want to "shout out" to. You see I have 2 very special friends that aren't military, that aren't Americans, heck...I've never met face-to-face. They are my pen pals that have stuck to me for the past few years. I know them through emails and pictures and have been so lucky to receive special cards and gifts in the mail. They are special and very dear to me.

I have a special picture of Nicky (who is going to kill me! LOL!) and her son Ben. They are from the great country of England! The land of kings and queens, where King Arthur once ruled (??), Stonehenge was created, and the Romans once ruled. Ahhh! Duran Duran are from there.....LOL!....(my inner teenager just came out...LOL!) One day my behind will get there.....someday.

She is one great Mum and is a "childminder" (has a daycare in her home). I don't know how she does it. I'd have beaten my head against the wall with so many children in my home. LOL! My own children drive me insane! LOL!

And this here is my dear friend Shahnam. So pretty is she. Once lived in London for a few months because her husband went to University there. She is my Iranian friend. Yes, she is from Iran! But the most sweetest of people I have met. She has blown away (not literally people!) my naivete of the Muslim religion. Did you know Jesus is mentioned in the Koran? They believe he existed but was not the Messiah. Or so I am told.

Christians have extremists....so does the Islam faith. If the people of Iraq, Iran, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, and others could just live here for a year and we, vice versa over there, maybe we could all understand the other and get along. Can't we all just get along?? Nobody is better than the other..............NOBODY!

But back to the topic at hand. FRIENDS! They are great to have, so cherish every one!

More friends to come.................

Comments??

Got some? Well, I think I fixed it so those of you who aren't "registered" blogspotters can leave your valuable and/or invaluable comments. LOL! I'm still learning the tricks of the trade on here, so bear with me....please!!

Comment away.

Dangerous grapefruit!!

BEWARE!

I have already been stung by one. They can be painful little boogers, I tell ya! When peeling them, don't rub your eye!!!!

ANTS!

I'm going to lose my freaking mind! They are everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE! We have indoor ant spray and I'm going to have to go and buy more. I can't stand it. They are mainly in my living room around the windows which leads them to my loveseat sofa and in our kitchen/dining room windows.

Now imagine, sitting on the loveseat, you have your laptop on your lap and you are typing away. Then all at once, you feel something crawling on your neck. You slap yourself and find an ant. Then again, you feel "something" on your leg. Smack! Another ant! Again, on the arm, on the back, on the neck, on the leg...over and over. Now this isn't all at once but at different times. I'm going crazy. I look around the windows....there aren't any trails. I look on the walls, around the baseboards, and on the carpet. Where are they coming from? I don't know but I'm too the point that we might "fog" the house. I can't stand it anymore. I'll just put the cats in Heidi's old crate outside while we do this.

Ants be GONE, I say! Be gone from my house, you evil pests. BE GONE!!!

No news, I guess, is good news.

Yep, new news to report. Pretty boring, as usual. My main agenda today...grocery shopping. Oh joy.

Today, I ran/jogged for 60 minutes with a 2 minute 3mph cool down. Today's running total: 6.46 miles

Minutes and Miles...............

I think that I'll be adding my running times and distance to some of my posts. Maybe even calories burned and eaten. I don't know yet. But I do know that since having Lauren, I don't run as long or as often as I used to. Not that I'm lazy but Lauren gets up earlier now and I like to run in the morning when all is quiet and it's slightly dark. It's easier for me to focus. The only light I should see is the console light on the treadmill and the light from the TV that is in front of me. The only noise I should hear is the "whir" of the treadmill belt and the news on that is in front of me. Everything else should be a blur as I run and I focus on the run at hand. There have been times when I get so "high" that I could run forever but I haven't had that in a long time. I would like to have that back.....someday!

Now I'm just lucky to get 40 minutes and 5 miles instead of 80 minutes and 10 miles................

Mama's Munchkin!

OMG! I can't wait till I get Lauren's pictures back from Sears! They are the best freaking pictures EVER! I mean EVER! She did brilliantly. Even the photographer was "oohing and aahing" at all the awesome photos my little miss "photogenic" was producing. I always thought Matthew and Eric were photogenic when they were babies but boy was I wrong!! Don't get me wrong...my boys were so adorable and cute...but my baby is ready for PAGEANTS! Okay, no I'm not going to do that. I couldn't do that to my baby but I just can't stop gushing about these pictures. I can't wait. I think I'll be able to upload some from the Sears site once they come up in 2 days. Woo-hoo! Oh...and I spent a lot of moolah on pics. Yeah, yeah...but they were worth it. And she'll only be 6 months old ONCE!

Good Mommy!

On a good note, with the exception of my bad den mother habits, I took Lauren to her 6 month Well-Baby check-up! My baby is getting so big!! She was 26 inches long, 15.65 lbs, and her head measured 16.81. It was strange that for the first time I have a child that is following the 50% curve. She is average and has followed that curve pretty much from day 1! Both the boys were always 75% or more........

Lauren got her shots today too. One in each leg this time. And we found out that she is getting baby excema. Great! Just great! Now both her and Matthew have that awful skin condition. I need to throw out her Johnson and Johnson Lavender lotion and baby wash. Since we changed to that, her skin has gotten rough and bumpy. She might be allergic to it. Soooooooo......I have to use the Baby Aveeno stuff the doc recommended. And! I have to start using Eucerin lotion. She wanted to use Aquafor on her but that stuff is gross and greasy. Matthew has to use it and it takes about all of us to hold him down to put it on. I don't blame him....it takes a good 4-5 handwashings to get that crap off my hands. UGH!

I'm getting off the subject at hand here. Lauren was such a good girl. She smiled, laughed, cooed, and bounced her way into Dr. Florer's heart. LOL! Until.....she laid her on her back and Lauren went nuts! She hates lying on her back. She then became a "banshee". Until....she rolled her over and she was back to her "good-girl" routine. LOL!

Bad Mommy!

I feel like such a HEEL! Eric's Webelo den leader is probably going to shove me into a speeding car soon. I need to get off my lazy butt and get Eric's badges and things marked in his book and turned in! Eric is the only one who hasn't earned a thing for his Emblem of Light badge. And the ceremony is NEXT WEEK! UGH! And he's earned so many badges and I haven't even marked them in his book and turned it in. So I just spent the last hour going over and over and over his book to make sure he has everything marked and dated. Nothing left out. He has earned 15 badges!!! A Compass Emblem and 2 arrow points.....and his Emblem of Light badge minus a campout with the boys scouts!! So next week, I have to contact a boy scout troop and practically beg one to let Eric camp out with them. UGH! Bad, bad, bad Mommy!!! He could have had these things a long time ago. Been too busy to care or scratch my a$$!

Change. Change. Change

There is a change in the air.

First, I can smell it in the air. Spring is here. Saturday, Bobby mowed the lawn and the boys vacuumed the truck out. I feel the need to Spring clean. I look around my house and I start making a list in my head of what stuff is "outta here!"

Second, Heidi is gone. Yeah, I'm talking about her again. I love her. Now, we have to figure out how to go about our day without her. She was my companion during the day. Now I'm lonesome without her. So we are talking of getting that "new" dog. It WILL BE another GSD. So, I go about my day looking in online classifieds for German Shepherd puppies, preferably female. And in every ad, I look at these puppies, and their parents, and I look for Heidi in their faces. Then I cry. I don't see her in any of them. Sure, some of them look exactly like her. There are other black Shepherds out there. But I always find something just not "right". The cock of the head, the position of the ears, the look in the eyes....I don't see her. I cry some more. Why do I look for Heidi when I know I won't find her? She was an original. Can't be replaced.

Third, my weight loss has stalled immensely. In fact, I've gained. I won't lie. Yes, a long-distance runner can gain weight. It's called over-indulging in mass quantities. I'm a compulsive eater. I love food. I've got to stop the INSANITY! I sound like Susan Powter. But she was right. I eat right Monday-Friday afternoon, then Friday evening my eating goes to the toilet. Friday night-Sunday (most of the weekend anyway), we eat out. I love buffets. I love the idea of eating for my money. I'm a plate finisher. I get appalled of the thought of leaving food behind on my plate. That habit needs to be remedied.....immediately. So now I must start making plans for change.......

Change......it's nature. We all must make changes for change. Change...got any??

Guilt!

I have lots of that. I can't stop thinking of our last moments with Heidi. I should have stayed. I should have held her till her last breath. But I couldn't. Does that make me a bad "mama"? Those sad eyes pleading.......

I couldn't. I'm a coward.

Now we talk of getting another dog. I do. I don't. I do. I don't. It's easy to see such cute, pretty little puppy faces. Anybody would want one. Should I? Shouldn't I?

I can't. I'm a coward.

God, I beg of you, please! I ask that you give me peace.

God? Is Heidi okay? I miss her so.

A replacement?

To and from our way to Cici's Pizza, we discussed more about Heidi. How she was a great watchdog. We joked about how she worked for her room and board while the cats just suck us dry. Watch cats? Don't think so. They would just ignore an intruder if one should happen to break into our house. They'd probably show them to the most expensive stuff in the house. LOL! All they do is sleep, eat, poop, pee, and barf up hairballs. Where is the proof they do anything in the house? Maybe in the winter they make great foot warmers........

We talked about protection. Heidi was great. She barked if someone was at the door before they knocked. She would "perk her ears up" when she heard a strange vehicle in our drive. She would roam the house at night and "watch" through the windows. Heck, she even made sure the cats weren't "naughty". She would "herd" them to our room if they misbehaved. LOL! Bobby loved that!

Now we talk of getting another German Shepherd puppy. I would love to have another. We talked of getting another before Heidi....well, you know. We still want another. But is it too soon? Will Heidi be upset with us? I don't want to tarnish her memory. I'm so confused. I told Bobby we should wait till we know for sure if we are moving or not. (Military. Long story.) But he doesn't want to wait. Protection. We need protection. No worries. And do I want to start all over again. Puppy breath, puppy poop and pee. And then, to deal with training a toddler and training a puppy. Oh, gosh and to death with a teething toddler and a teething puppy. Which is worse?

Bobby says we are not replacing Heidi. We never could. She was an original. It would be hard to find a dog who was that loving and all out kind to people and our family. I think if we get a GSD, it will not be black. I think I want a traditional looking one. The ones with the black saddle backs. Heidi was all black with tan from her paws to her ankles. And her undercoat was white. No. No black GSD's. I don't want another one that looked like Heidi. I couldn't handle that. Bobby wants another black GSD. (Once you go black, you can't turn back. LOL!)

Sorry, Bobby.

Happy Birthday!

It's someone's BIRTHDAY! Happy 31st to my sister KIM!

(By the way, that is Lauren she is holding...1 day old.)

Memories.

Last night, before Bobby and I went to bed, we talked. We remembered.

I lay in bed sniffling and remembering something about Heidi and I start crying again. Bobby gets in bed, lies next to me and puts his arm around me, and pulls me close.

I can't remember all we talked about. It's all a blur. It's so surreal.

Bobby does tell me now that he doesn't feel safe in the house without Heidi. Never realized how we depended on her. Oh, she wouldn't hurt a fly but an intruder wouldn't know that. How would you feel breaking into a house and a big, black German Shepherd was in your face? Well, Bobby says she might have literally killed someone. We don't know how she would have reacted to a stranger in the house....she was never tested and never will be. We just know that she loved children, loved people's attention, loved to play, and loved to go on car rides.

"I remember when Heidi.................."

Not the same.....

I got up earlier than usual...3:48am exact. No cold nose in my face. No thumping tail. No whining to go outside. No scratching of claws as she happily scampered on the linoleum in the kitchen to the back door. Eerily quiet. No barking outside to alert us of a tresspassing stray cat or unknown person walking on the street. It's going to be a long day.........

Heidi!

Not a good day like I thought. Heidi is miserable. It's getting worse. She can't walk from room to room. She stumbles like she is drunk and then sits and then tries again. When Bobby came home for lunch, she was right by the door. She couldn't jump out the way fast enough and got smacked in the side. Bobby felt so badly. And, of course, she was excited to see him but that happy go lucky dog is not there anymore. I'm so miserable. I've been crying pretty much most of the day. I called the vet and they said I could pick up more of her Rimadyl and they might increase dosage Saturday (that's when I take her in for her re-check). I know it's colder than normal these past 2 days....I wonder?

Bobby can't handle looking at her either.

Eventually she is going to need to go outside to "potty". I might have to go out with her just so I can help her back up the backdoor stairs. SHE IS ONLY 5 YEARS OLD! This just can't be happening yet. She still has at LEAST 5-7 more years to go. I'm so scared when I take her in Saturday they will tell me it's gotten worse. I don't know how I can handle putting "her down". I just can't. Those beautiful, big amber eyes that look at me with no hate...but unconditional love. I just can't do it. I love her so much. I just hope the Rimadyl works....it's just so bad today. I've never seen it this bad since we first noticed it. I'm just sick, sick, sick with worry...........
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I'm sitting here in tears. I can't stop crying. Today, I gave the vet permission to put Heidi "to sleep". Around 2pm, she was unable to use her hind legs. I panicked and rushed her to the vet. An hour later I got the call to come in. I knew something was wrong. If it wasn't bad they would have told me over the phone. I used to work at a vet clinic, I know the "way". I called Bobby and he met me at the clinic. News wasn't good. She had degenerative bone disease of some sort and it was progressively getting worse up her spine. No treatment. They don't normally see it until they are of "age". Like I said, she was only 5 years old. So we knew. So we went back to our "room" and cried. I was shocked to see tears in Bobby's eyes. Just as well. We were sick of watching her be miserable. Just sick. We told the vet, and then we went to a private room to say our "last good-byes". My heart wrenched. My heart beat outside my chest. She cried for help. She couldn't jump on us or lick us like she used to. We knew. I think she knew. So I sit here bereaved with guilt knowing "I" was the one who put her to her death. But "I" know that it was best. There was no other choice. No surgery could fix it.

Today my best friend died today. And I will forever miss my Heidi. I love you!

Long, lost friends.......

Being a military wife....we have lots of those. Long, lost friends. Last night, a friend of Bobby's from the 'hood called. Not Ft. Hood. The old neighborhood, pre-army life. He was checking in. We hadn't heard from him in a few months. That is normal. He has a life, children, and a wife. He lives in Oklahoma and works at an airport. His life is good. He is one of our good friends. Before I married Bobby, his family cat had kittens. I got one of them and still have him today. Smokey is his name and he's 14 years old this year.

Well, Jeff (that's Bobby's friend's name) went on to tell us that another long, lost friend has made contact. Karl. Bobby's best friend. Bobby's best man. We don't know how it happened but we lost touch. Last we heard, he was living in Texarkana, AR (not the Texas side)...he divorced his wife and his 2 girls were living with him...then he later got remarried (who we haven't met yet). Then from that point....he vanished. We called all we knew but couldn't find him. He even stopped calling Jeff and Jeff didn't know how to find him either. Long story. Well, he finally called Jeff. He didn't know how to reach us because we moved to Texas and the last time we spoke to him we were living in Tennessee. So, Bobby called him. Karl. Jeff gave us the contact number. Let's just say a lot of reminiscing and conversation went on. I went to bed after watching LOST and Bobby was still on the phone. I have no clue how long they talked. But Bobby is giddy happy. He has his best friend back. Old times are here again. Life is good. Friends aren't lost anymore.......................

Roly-Poly-Olie

She rolls, she scoots, she goes backwards......but does not crawl. She can get from here to there in less than 5 minutes. The days are ticking away....the time is coming....then she will crawl. But for now, I watch her as she figures out how that darn toy got way "over" there and must roll along to get it.

'Bout time!

This past Fall, the boys had school pictures taken. Eric brought home an order form...Matt didn't. I didn't order because they didn't bring home "proofs." Who orders without proofs? I thought the order forms were examples they sent home. So I didn't order. I patiently waited for the "proofs." They never came and I forgot about the pictures until the day the boys came home and said they didn't get pictures back. What?? So I call the school. I spoke to someone who asked me, "Didn't you get the order form?" Well, yeah, I did. How was I suppose to know I was to order my sons pictures blindly? I was so p***ed off. The lady took kindly on me, I guess, and gave me the photographers phone number and I called them up and requested pictures. Yeah, I paid an arm and leg for reprints. Well, that was in January. It's March....almost the end of March and I finally got those. I do have to say the photographers here in Texas take the time to get the pictures right in their school photos. In Tennessee, my kids looked like the hillbillies that state made them out to be. Oh, the pictures were atrocious. Why I paid for them, I don't know. I guess I didn't want to miss "that school moment". Just like why I paid an ungodly amount of money for reprints here. But, hey! My kids don't look like hillbillies. LOL!

Now I wait for their spring pictures..................those I paid for on time.