Heidi!

Not a good day like I thought. Heidi is miserable. It's getting worse. She can't walk from room to room. She stumbles like she is drunk and then sits and then tries again. When Bobby came home for lunch, she was right by the door. She couldn't jump out the way fast enough and got smacked in the side. Bobby felt so badly. And, of course, she was excited to see him but that happy go lucky dog is not there anymore. I'm so miserable. I've been crying pretty much most of the day. I called the vet and they said I could pick up more of her Rimadyl and they might increase dosage Saturday (that's when I take her in for her re-check). I know it's colder than normal these past 2 days....I wonder?

Bobby can't handle looking at her either.

Eventually she is going to need to go outside to "potty". I might have to go out with her just so I can help her back up the backdoor stairs. SHE IS ONLY 5 YEARS OLD! This just can't be happening yet. She still has at LEAST 5-7 more years to go. I'm so scared when I take her in Saturday they will tell me it's gotten worse. I don't know how I can handle putting "her down". I just can't. Those beautiful, big amber eyes that look at me with no hate...but unconditional love. I just can't do it. I love her so much. I just hope the Rimadyl works....it's just so bad today. I've never seen it this bad since we first noticed it. I'm just sick, sick, sick with worry...........
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I'm sitting here in tears. I can't stop crying. Today, I gave the vet permission to put Heidi "to sleep". Around 2pm, she was unable to use her hind legs. I panicked and rushed her to the vet. An hour later I got the call to come in. I knew something was wrong. If it wasn't bad they would have told me over the phone. I used to work at a vet clinic, I know the "way". I called Bobby and he met me at the clinic. News wasn't good. She had degenerative bone disease of some sort and it was progressively getting worse up her spine. No treatment. They don't normally see it until they are of "age". Like I said, she was only 5 years old. So we knew. So we went back to our "room" and cried. I was shocked to see tears in Bobby's eyes. Just as well. We were sick of watching her be miserable. Just sick. We told the vet, and then we went to a private room to say our "last good-byes". My heart wrenched. My heart beat outside my chest. She cried for help. She couldn't jump on us or lick us like she used to. We knew. I think she knew. So I sit here bereaved with guilt knowing "I" was the one who put her to her death. But "I" know that it was best. There was no other choice. No surgery could fix it.

Today my best friend died today. And I will forever miss my Heidi. I love you!