Fear of Losing

Exercise:
6.5 miles=4-7mph, 62 minutes, 0-10 incline

Past mistakes. Learning from them or guarding myself from pain. Daisy, at this moment, is getting spayed. Guilt is tearing me up inside. Can I do this again? I love her, in a special kind of way. Not that all consuming love I had for Heidi. It's different. Of course, it is. There was only one Heidi. Only one Daisy. But I'm so scared. It's not the same going to the vet's office. I used to be so proud that I took my animals in and had them checked out. Money didn't matter. But it wasn't enough....for Heidi. Now I have Daisy. I get in the office. I fill out pre-surgery paperwork. So many questions. Do I want bloodwork done? Yes. Do I want a pain injection afterword? Yes. Do I want pain pills to take home? Yes. Do I need flea preventative? No. Heartworm prevention? No. On and on and on and on. Some of my answers were answered in fear. Fear of what? The fear of losing Daisy. I want to know now to be prepared for later, if there is a later. Heidi didn't have to die. I keep telling myself that but I've found out that it was probably genetic. UGH! I need to know. Then I get a phone call from the clinic. My heart in my throat, I answer the phone. They said Daisy was "under" and just wanted to know if I would like radiographs of her hips. Hip dysplasia. "Of course!" I tell her. Yes. I want to know. More money being spent. Fears. My answers weren't based on my financial situation obviously. Fear. I can't lose my Daisy. If I can with all my being, I want to stop anything (if there is an "anything") from happening. Again. Not again. My heart couldn't take that. But right now, I just pray my Daisy gets through the surgery. My poor baby.