More guilt!

Yeah! I have plenty of that. I'll never get over with leaving Heidi at the clinic. NEVER! The other day, Bobby made the comment too, about leaving Heidi. He has his own guilt. So double the guilt. I guess we feel like lousy heels. And to make matters even worse.....I took Daisy to the same place to get her first puppy shots.

I walk in with Daisy in one arm while pushing Lauren's stroller with the other. I notice a bunch of people sitting. Great! It's going to be busy. I sign in and the receptionist tells me it's a 2 hour wait. I can't wait. The boys are just getting out of school. Walk-ins (they only take walk-ins....no appointments) are between 2-6pm. The early part of the day is for surgeries and drop-offs. Sooooooo.......I make the decision to leave. I'll just come back at another time.

Here is the kicker! As I walk in to the clinic....I feel my heart beating faster. I literally started to get sick. Guilt! I look to the door that I last walked out of.....leaving Heidi. UGH! Tears form. I tell myself to stop. Don't do this! You are bringing attention to yourself! So I wipe my nose on my sleeve and try to tub the tears off my face. I can do this. I can do this. As I sign my name on the clipboard....they remember me. I can see them looking at me. Trying to figure out how they know me....the receptionists and the technicians. They remember me. Oh God! Act like it's no big deal. But it is a big deal. Oh God! Guilt. I'm sure they were thinking how I could so easily replace "that big black dog" so soon. I'm not EASILY replacing Heidi at all. I'm not replacing Heidi. Period. The receptionist gives me the LOOK. She remembers. As I give her a sheepish smile, she tells me how long the wait is. Okay. I get a false smile. I can see her thinking. Oh, what was she thinking? I then tell her that I'll just go. I can't wait that long. I need to go. I have to go. Again, I leave Heidi behind.